And I'll start with my favorite, though I'm sure you've heard it. Be warned, it is kind of dirty.
A Penguin In Arizona
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices his oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor, so he stops at the first gas station.
While waiting for the car to be repaired, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.
After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.
The mechanic looks up from the engine and says, "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No, no," the penguin replies wiping his mouth, "it's just ice cream."
Full Version: Good jokes
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you
can get the milk for free." Here's an update for you.
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire
Pig, just to get a little sausage.
can get the milk for free." Here's an update for you.
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire
Pig, just to get a little sausage.
QUOTE (Bee @ Sep 25 2004, 05:10 PM)
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you
can get the milk for free." Here's an update for you.
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire
Pig, just to get a little sausage.
can get the milk for free." Here's an update for you.
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire
Pig, just to get a little sausage.
A shiy freshman from a boys' school met a shy freshman from a girls' school at their first "mixer".
The boy said he was kind of nervous. "This is my first Pig Poke".
The girl replied, "That's OK, this is my first "Goon Grab".
The boy said he was kind of nervous. "This is my first Pig Poke".
The girl replied, "That's OK, this is my first "Goon Grab".
I have an avatar. Ya yaya ya ya.
Kitty or alien?
I would post more but when I found the ignore button, I put everyone else on ignore.
QUOTE (SpaceCowboy @ Sep 25 2004, 07:42 PM)
I would post more but when I found the ignore button, I put everyone else on ignore.
Good, then you won't be able to see this then.
QUOTE (G.G. @ Sep 25 2004, 07:28 PM)
How are you linking your avatar? Do you have a site to place it on?
If you go to "my controls" there are selections for already on the site avatars.
QUOTE (Bart Katz @ Sep 25 2004, 10:09 PM)
Good, then you won't be able to see this then.
IGNORE button?! Wherezat?!
Click on a posters name in a post and I think you see the options.
check. Good to know!
Just in case.
Heh, Heh, Heh! <evil grin>
I'm trying to get 100 posts to see if member status changes.
Lemme know if it does! lol
hahaha
we'll see
99
See anything?
Shucks.
No....sorry!
Waaaaaaaaaa
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Chin up! Better luck next time!
The Helicopter Ambulance company had a nice ice cream social today down at the park. Free ice cream and sodas and gave away lots prizes.
did you go?
Yep. I took my nephew. We didn't win anything, but the rescue nurses looked pretty hot. They had about a 5 gallon home made ice cream freezer thing and also got to see the helicopter up close.
Can you see my new avatar?
Bart! You got to ADVANCED MEMBER status! Congrats!
QUOTE (Bart Katz @ Sep 25 2004, 11:53 PM)
Can you see my new avatar?
Yup!
Kewl.
QUOTE (Bart Katz @ Sep 25 2004, 11:52 PM)
Yep. I took my nephew. We didn't win anything, but the rescue nurses looked pretty hot. They had about a 5 gallon home made ice cream freezer thing and also got to see the helicopter up close.
Good on you! Hope you two didn't eat toooo much ice cream!
I had all I needed. Too rich for my blood.
Did I mention the nurses looked really good in their little jump suits?
Aha. I can relate to that!
I gotta catch some Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Nite.
Joke...rude, dirty, but funny...
Let me know AV, if this does not pass muster!
Two dogs locked up in the kennel at the vet's office.
Dog #1 looks at the dog #2 and asks "so what are you in for?"
#2 replies "Dang man, they're going to put me to sleep!"
#1 asks "Why would they do that?"
#2 - "Well, I'm a watchdog. I was in the back yard, actually leashed up, and the neighbor boy was tossing sticks and rocks and stuff at me, and the whole time teasing and taunting me. I kind of hung back a bit while he jumped the fence into the back yard, and when he got close enough I jumped up and bit him right on the ass!! I mean, I'm a watchdog for Pete's sake. I was just doing my job, and NOW they're going to put me to sleep!"
#1 - "Man, that's really rough...sorry to hear that!"
#2 asks #1 - "So what are YOU in for dude?"
#1 replies - "Well, the other night I snuck into the bathroom to see if the toilet seat was up so I could get a drink. When I walked in, I noticed my master was completely naked pulling hair out of the bathtub drain getting ready to take a bath. I forgot all about the toilet and, well, YOU know...the rest is HISTORY!"
#2 - "Jeez man...you DIDN'T!!!"
#1 - "Yup, I sure did!"
#2 - "So I guess they're putting YOU to sleep too, eh?!"
#1 - "Nah...she, brought me in to get my nails clipped and to see if they could do anything about my breath!"
Let me know AV, if this does not pass muster!
Two dogs locked up in the kennel at the vet's office.
Dog #1 looks at the dog #2 and asks "so what are you in for?"
#2 replies "Dang man, they're going to put me to sleep!"
#1 asks "Why would they do that?"
#2 - "Well, I'm a watchdog. I was in the back yard, actually leashed up, and the neighbor boy was tossing sticks and rocks and stuff at me, and the whole time teasing and taunting me. I kind of hung back a bit while he jumped the fence into the back yard, and when he got close enough I jumped up and bit him right on the ass!! I mean, I'm a watchdog for Pete's sake. I was just doing my job, and NOW they're going to put me to sleep!"
#1 - "Man, that's really rough...sorry to hear that!"
#2 asks #1 - "So what are YOU in for dude?"
#1 replies - "Well, the other night I snuck into the bathroom to see if the toilet seat was up so I could get a drink. When I walked in, I noticed my master was completely naked pulling hair out of the bathtub drain getting ready to take a bath. I forgot all about the toilet and, well, YOU know...the rest is HISTORY!"
#2 - "Jeez man...you DIDN'T!!!"
#1 - "Yup, I sure did!"
#2 - "So I guess they're putting YOU to sleep too, eh?!"
#1 - "Nah...she, brought me in to get my nails clipped and to see if they could do anything about my breath!"
It's a pretty good one. Thanks.
Grandpa and grandson out in the lake, in a boat, fishing.
Grandpa reaches in a box under the seat and pulls out a big old Havana and lights it up.
Grandson - "Hey granddad...ya think I could have a drag off that cigar?"
Granddad - "Can ya touch yer pecker to your a-hole?"
Grandson--"Well, no I can't!"
Granddad - "Well, when you can touch yer pecker to yer a-hole, then you can have a drag of my cigar!"
about 15 minutes goes by, and granddad reaches into an ice chest and pulls out an ice cold beer, pops it open and takes a great big swig.
Grandson - "Gee grandpa! That beer looks and smells awful good! Ya think I could have just one little drink?"
Grandpa - "Can you touch yer pecker to yer a-hole" he asks?
Grandson - "I already told you I can't!"
Grandpa - "Well, like I said, when you can touch yer pecker to yer a-hole, then you can have a drink of my beer!"
About 1/2 hour goes by and the grandson reaches into his own ice box and pulls out a HUGE ham and cheese sandwich with the works...lettuce, pickles, tomato, etc...
Grandpa looks over, his mouth watering, and says, "MAN kid...that sandwich looks AWESOME! Ya think I could have just one bite of it??"
Stealing his grandpa's line, the grandson glares back, squints his eyes a little bit and asks, "Can ya touch yer pecker to yer a-hole?"
The grandpa smiles REAL BIG and says proudly "As a matter of fact, YES I CAN!!"
The grandson, without missing a beat, takes a great big bite of his sandwich and with his mouth completely full squeezes out with a big, BIG smile "Then you can go fark yerself!"
Grandpa reaches in a box under the seat and pulls out a big old Havana and lights it up.
Grandson - "Hey granddad...ya think I could have a drag off that cigar?"
Granddad - "Can ya touch yer pecker to your a-hole?"
Grandson--"Well, no I can't!"
Granddad - "Well, when you can touch yer pecker to yer a-hole, then you can have a drag of my cigar!"
about 15 minutes goes by, and granddad reaches into an ice chest and pulls out an ice cold beer, pops it open and takes a great big swig.
Grandson - "Gee grandpa! That beer looks and smells awful good! Ya think I could have just one little drink?"
Grandpa - "Can you touch yer pecker to yer a-hole" he asks?
Grandson - "I already told you I can't!"
Grandpa - "Well, like I said, when you can touch yer pecker to yer a-hole, then you can have a drink of my beer!"
About 1/2 hour goes by and the grandson reaches into his own ice box and pulls out a HUGE ham and cheese sandwich with the works...lettuce, pickles, tomato, etc...
Grandpa looks over, his mouth watering, and says, "MAN kid...that sandwich looks AWESOME! Ya think I could have just one bite of it??"
Stealing his grandpa's line, the grandson glares back, squints his eyes a little bit and asks, "Can ya touch yer pecker to yer a-hole?"
The grandpa smiles REAL BIG and says proudly "As a matter of fact, YES I CAN!!"
The grandson, without missing a beat, takes a great big bite of his sandwich and with his mouth completely full squeezes out with a big, BIG smile "Then you can go fark yerself!"
The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta announced that Clinton has proven that you can get sex from Aides.
QUOTE (Bart Katz @ Sep 28 2004, 05:51 PM)
The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta announced that Clinton has proven that you can get sex from Aides.
HAHAHAHA!
Must be a moniqa strain.....
QUOTE (GoBIG! @ Sep 28 2004, 03:57 PM)
Grandpa and grandson out in the lake, in a boat, fishing.
Grandpa reaches in a box under the seat and pulls out a big old Havana and lights it up.
Grandson - "Hey granddad...ya think I could have a drag off that cigar?"
Granddad - "Can ya touch yer pecker to your a-hole?"
Grandson--"Well, no I can't!"
Granddad - "Well, when you can touch yer pecker to yer a-hole, then you can have a drag of my cigar!"
about 15 minutes goes by, and granddad reaches into an ice chest and pulls out an ice cold beer, pops it open and takes a great big swig.
Grandson - "Gee grandpa! That beer looks and smells awful good! Ya think I could have just one little drink?"
Big, eh?
Grandpa - "Can you touch yer pecker to yer a-hole" he asks?
Grandson - "I already told you I can't!"
Grandpa - "Well, like I said, when you can touch yer pecker to yer a-hole, then you can have a drink of my beer!"
About 1/2 hour goes by and the grandson reaches into his own ice box and pulls out a HUGE ham and cheese sandwich with the works...lettuce, pickles, tomato, etc...
Grandpa looks over, his mouth watering, and says, "MAN kid...that sandwich looks AWESOME! Ya think I could have just one bite of it??"
Stealing his grandpa's line, the grandson glares back, squints his eyes a little bit and asks, "Can ya touch yer pecker to yer a-hole?"
The grandpa smiles REAL BIG and says proudly "As a matter of fact, YES I CAN!!"
The grandson, without missing a beat, takes a great big bite of his sandwich and with his mouth completely full squeezes out with a big, BIG smile "Then you can go fark yerself!"
Grandpa reaches in a box under the seat and pulls out a big old Havana and lights it up.
Grandson - "Hey granddad...ya think I could have a drag off that cigar?"
Granddad - "Can ya touch yer pecker to your a-hole?"
Grandson--"Well, no I can't!"
Granddad - "Well, when you can touch yer pecker to yer a-hole, then you can have a drag of my cigar!"
about 15 minutes goes by, and granddad reaches into an ice chest and pulls out an ice cold beer, pops it open and takes a great big swig.
Grandson - "Gee grandpa! That beer looks and smells awful good! Ya think I could have just one little drink?"
Big, eh?
Grandpa - "Can you touch yer pecker to yer a-hole" he asks?
Grandson - "I already told you I can't!"
Grandpa - "Well, like I said, when you can touch yer pecker to yer a-hole, then you can have a drink of my beer!"
About 1/2 hour goes by and the grandson reaches into his own ice box and pulls out a HUGE ham and cheese sandwich with the works...lettuce, pickles, tomato, etc...
Grandpa looks over, his mouth watering, and says, "MAN kid...that sandwich looks AWESOME! Ya think I could have just one bite of it??"
Stealing his grandpa's line, the grandson glares back, squints his eyes a little bit and asks, "Can ya touch yer pecker to yer a-hole?"
The grandpa smiles REAL BIG and says proudly "As a matter of fact, YES I CAN!!"
The grandson, without missing a beat, takes a great big bite of his sandwich and with his mouth completely full squeezes out with a big, BIG smile "Then you can go fark yerself!"
The problem with normal sex is that it leads to kissing and pretty soon you've got to talk to them. Once you know someone well the last thing you want to do is screw them. I like to give, never to receive; to have the power of the host, not the obligation of the guest. I can stop writing this and within two minutes I can be chained, in the arms of a whore. I know I am going to score and I know they don't really want me. And within 10 minutes I am back writing. What I hate are meaningless and heartless one-night stands where you tell all sorts of lies to get into bed with a woman you don't care for.
There was once a man from Irooock
Who could play the base string with his cock
and with an erection
he could play any selection
of yo-haaan, subostion, or booock.
Loc2
Who could play the base string with his cock
and with an erection
he could play any selection
of yo-haaan, subostion, or booock.
Loc2
Oh, another poetry board -- how nice.
QUOTE (lil bart @ Sep 28 2004, 11:03 PM)
Oh, another poetry board -- how nice.
<smert!>
oh poop!
How do you make a hot dog stand?
Take away its chair.
Take away its chair.
Disturbing parallels
Kerry has a bush in his yard.
Bush often kerries things.
Be afraid, be very afraid.
Kerry has a bush in his yard.
Bush often kerries things.
Be afraid, be very afraid.
deer nuts are under a buck
beer nuts are 89 cents
beer nuts are 89 cents
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